This morning I had a song stuck in my head. I got into the library, plugged my ear candy into the laptop and pulled up the youtube video for Angels On The Moon by Thriving Ivory so I could get a fix and hopefully get this song out of my head. (It's on nonstop and not the whole song!)
So I was digging through the search results and I found an acoustic cover of Angels On The Moon. Let me just tell you now, I am, and always have been, a sucker for an acoustic guitar. I drool, I get sweaty palms, I melt, I lose control of my bladder. Yup, a sucker, hardcore.
So I listened to it and while the woman singing carries a tune about as well as I do and probably carries her tempo equally well, I was touched, fascinated and in love with her for putting herself out there, on youtube, singing this particular song... somewhere that people are more than glad to criticize and put you down for any attempt to share yourself with the world.
While I never read profiles (mostly because I'm there for a video, not your life story) something caught my eye about her profile and I read it. I almost cried. It made me remember a comment my best friends fiance made to her when he was about to kill himself "Why don't you come outside and I'll show you your emotions!". Sitting there, in the library this moring, I told him "You didn't have to shoot yourself in the head to show her her emotions. You can find emotions all over the internet."
So I was digging through the search results and I found an acoustic cover of Angels On The Moon. Let me just tell you now, I am, and always have been, a sucker for an acoustic guitar. I drool, I get sweaty palms, I melt, I lose control of my bladder. Yup, a sucker, hardcore.
So I listened to it and while the woman singing carries a tune about as well as I do and probably carries her tempo equally well, I was touched, fascinated and in love with her for putting herself out there, on youtube, singing this particular song... somewhere that people are more than glad to criticize and put you down for any attempt to share yourself with the world.
While I never read profiles (mostly because I'm there for a video, not your life story) something caught my eye about her profile and I read it. I almost cried. It made me remember a comment my best friends fiance made to her when he was about to kill himself "Why don't you come outside and I'll show you your emotions!". Sitting there, in the library this moring, I told him "You didn't have to shoot yourself in the head to show her her emotions. You can find emotions all over the internet."
4 comments:
Beautiful song. Did your friend's fiancé really kill himself in front of her? You said that this morning you told him, but I wasn't sure if that was meant as you told his memory or that he wasn't dead. :( Messed up nightmare if he is.
a) It is a beautiful song. :D
b) Yes, I told his memory. I feel better when I can say things to people that aren't here.
c) He intended to shoot himself in front of her but she locked him out of the house. I found him in the front yard. As far as I know, she doesn't have to carry THAT part of the burden.
d) Nightmare is a very good way to describe it. However, it has given me a few interesting theories on grief.
Namely, when one experiences a loss (death, personal violation, extreme physical trauma, diagnosis of a disease that will eventually kill them, etc) I don't think we ever REALLY get over it. I think because we can never go back to who we were prior to that event that we can never really get over it.
I think it's fair to say that we'll be dealing with this, to some degree, for the rest of our lives.
I'm so sorry that you experienced that Jenn. What you've described is one of my darkest nightmares. I'm glad your friend didn't have to see him do it, but the mind creates images that can be just as bad or even worse than reality. :( I hope you can get past finding his body. I admire you even more knowing that you mentally survived that.
The mind does create images. I've worked with her over the last few years to help her understand that he was very ill, was going to do it either way and he used her as an excuse. I hope she understands it.
It was a nightmare, but when you are faced with a situation like that, you have to make the decision to move forward and not be defined by that event.
I am strong, I am happy, I am me. That is how I define myself. :) I am hoping she'll define herself that way as well. :)
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